So I’m really torn what to do with my life at the moment.
It’s not that I fear obstacles. I mean to a certain point that is what everybody does but I definitely love a challenge and am up for tackling new projects and just give it all I have got.
It’s not the barrier of getting into Uni that makes me doubt my decision to go into graphic design.
Well I’ve always thought that design is who I was at core. I still do. And it is true I have a sense for aesthetics and love everything that is visually appealing. I adore the arts and if I see so much as well designed poster my heart skips a beat. But is that all? Is it ever going to be enough?
I’m afraid if I pursue a career in graphic design I will come to hate it. The one thing I love most, I’ll drain and let economy and society beat the crap out of my creativity. Up until that point that I’ll despise what I do and who I am. But if I do anything else, I know that I will ALWAYS wonder what if and miss the hands on creativity in any other job.
What annoys me about graphic is that it is such a self absorbed world spinning around its’ own axis. So much pressure so much commercializing your creativity and putting it into a box, when I think that each and everyones creativity is special, unique, and shining and makes you to the person you are. It should roam free to explore it’s full potential and shouldn’t be stuck into a box, get labeled, and put on the shelf with all the other pitches that you’ve been working on for others. Economy makes you sell your own creativity for something you can’t stand for. Another thing is that in the modern world of stock markets and technical engineering, creativity isn’t rewarded enough anymore. Everyone wants you to be creative but its not taken seriously and always looked down upon.
But what is it that I’m looking for?
I think it takes courage to sit down and make a list of your qualities. Because society has taught to us since we were little to keep our heads down and always downsize ourselves. Isn’t terrible that it is more comfortable writing a list of things we suck at rather than saying hey I rock at this, I’m really good at that and actually meaning it.
So here we go:
1. The longing for the world and for international friends that I have in my life. I mean I have more friends all over the world than I do in day-to-day life in Germany. Weekly calls over analyzing life situations with my best friends from every corner of this world? Check. Doing so for hours on hours? Check. I long for the world. I want to be an active part in it and I want to be out there! Not as a tourist, I want to have an effect on a personal level.
2. English– I love English more than my mother tongue and love learning about in in more detail. I love reading/analyzing texts and to an extent I can say that I’m a fairly good writer. Most time I even think in English. Give me a text to read and after a couple minutes I can give you a perfect summary of what it said but I wouldn’t be able to tell you if the words I just read were in English or German. Thats how much I’ve eaten up this language, as if it was my own…
3. I care about people. I’m allergic to injustice and try to keep everything in balance. Sometimes I think it would be easier and healthier (for my heart at least) if I just wouldn’t care so much and practice my I don’t give a fuck attitude. But I came to realize that is just who I am. I do care. And yes sometimes I care too much too fast. But is that necessarily bad?
4. Creativity and Arts. Such a huge part of my life and yes, to some point I would say that is who I am.
BA in International Studies? Linguistics? BA of Arts & Communication?
Creativity doesn’t only link to drawing and playing the piano right? It is endless in it’s chances. I know that if I don’t at least try Graphic I’ll always ask myself what if?
So I have to give it a go and then at least I can do whatever I want.
Maybe it is possible for me to link my passions together and make a career out of it. I mean in the modern world, also called the now, almost everyone is a self made man right? There’s so many options out there that I’m afraid I’ll miss something just because I haven’t looked out for it enough. Just because I didn’t even know a job like that even existed. I mean do you know what a Entry Level Media Planner is supposed to be? Online Brand Manager? Chief Listening officer? Yeah me either, but it’s out there.
I’m afraid that I’m spinning into something that is consuming all my energy and will eat me up alive in the end. I’m afraid that I’m jumping into something just because I’ve always seen it as the one and only option and closed my eyes to what else was out there.
I want to pursue a career that will mean something. I want to see the world and be able to give something back in return.
But this is the fun part right? Figuring it out? Trying things and failing miserably? Getting back up, laughing about it and then trying it all over again. This is to uncertainty.